Jeff Bezos says he will testify before Congress, but only if he gets a booster seat

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos said he is interested in answering any question that Congress may have on Amazon’s 3rd party seller data practice, on the condition that he is given a booster seat just like Mark Zuckerberg, a company spokesperson said. “Mr. Bezos was very impressed with Mr. Zuckerberg’s performance in 2018 and just like him, Mr Bezos wishes to speak eye-to-eye, literally.”

Upon hearing about Bezos’s singular ask, men’s rights activist Jack Smith put out a press release deriding society’s unrealistic expectations around men’s heights. “It has gotten so bad that even the richest person in the world is not immune to it. IT MUST STOP!” Smith elaborated via an email. 

Bezos’s willingness surprised many in Capitol Hill. Senator Jill Harris from D.C. quickly came to Bezos’s defense saying “The anti-trust accusations are not credible. Have you seen the reviews on Amazon? They are all very trust-worthy! That’s why I order all my office supplies from there!” When asked if she’d accepted campaign contributions from Amazon’s lobbying groups, Harris said it was “just a co-incidence” and that it would “totally not cloud her judgement,” ending the interview with an assuring “trust me”.

Categories: Public Policy

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